Welcome to Hit Refresh. Over the next five weeks, we’ll be bringing you articles created by experts that will help you live your best life in 2019. Today, relationship expert and psychologist Dr Marny Lishman takes us through how to apply the law of attraction to your love life.
It’s the week of Valentines Day and everywhere you turn there’s flowers, teddy bears and love hearts. For those in ‘lovey dovey’ relationships this is all very cute. But for those who are not coupled up, yet yearning to be so, February 14 can be kind of triggering.
If people aren’t feeling them enough already, a host of negative emotions might emerge for those who’d love to be in a relationship. Feelings of sadness, inadequacy, grief and regret might pop up. Even jealousy can rear it’s ugly head. It’s easy to feel like we’re the only one on the planet not in a ‘perfect relationship’.
But the negative emotions associated with not-wanting-to-be single are not particularly helpful when attracting the right person into our lives. Well, according to the Law of Attraction anyway. In fact, they could be pushing that special someone right in the other direction.
The Law of Attraction says that like attracts like. If you’re feeling sad and miserable, you’re going to attract more of that. If you’re positive and upbeat, you will attract that. So, if you’re not finding the right match, it’s probably because you’re not giving out the right message and in fact, pushing away the very thing you want.
Many people are thinking and feeling in response to what has happened so far in their life. This is a bit of a bummer, because often our past relationships are all we have to go on, so it’s perfectly natural for us to use them to predict what might happen in the future. But most of us spend too much time focusing on what we know we don’t want (thinking about it and feeling it) rather than spending the time focusing on what we would love to have.
The Law of Attraction says that life isn’t happening to you, it is responding to you and what you are giving out. If you want love, you need to think and feel love. Going deeper into Quantum theory, we’re all made up of small particles that vibrate at a certain frequency and this energy will attract whatever we send out.
So we’ve got to make sure we’re doing a few things so that good vibrations are all we’re giving out:
Change your thinking
The Law of Attraction is responding to you. It doesn’t matter whether your thoughts are positive or negative, you’re giving them out, and you will attract something to match those thoughts. So be careful what you think. Don’t engage in ruminations about your previous relationships, don’t entertain your nightmare date stories or any negative self-talk about yourself. Be gone with those cognitions completely and replace them with positive stories, strong affirmations and thoughts of what you love now and what you want in the future.
Talk about what you love
There are many things that happen to us on a daily basis that can irritate us, and it’s easy to focus on these when talking to people about our day. Don’t get caught up in talking about what you don’t love, because you’re going to get more of it if you do. Engage in discussions with your family, friends and colleagues about the wonderful things that happened during the day, even if it means the awesome coffee you had on the way to work, the smile the barista gave you or the dog you patted on your lunch break. Focus on the good, the wins and the things you are grateful for every day. Life will give it right back to you!
Feel what you want
Many people are waiting for that special person to make them feel happier and loved. Don’t postpone these feelings to the future; make a point of feeling them now. If you’re feeling down and out, then you are on a lower vibrating frequency, which attracts more of this into your life. Make sure you’re choosing activities to do in your life in the present that are raising your consciousness to an emotion that is positive. It might be walking your dog, laughing with friends or watching your favourite movie. Even visualising or daydreaming about the way you want to feel around that special someone will do the trick. Imagining what you want allows you to feel good and the better you feel, the better your life will get.
Love is about becoming the right person, not constantly looking for the person you want to spend your life with.
Become the person you want to spend you life with.
And if that doesn’t attract the right person to spend next Valentines Day with, then at the very worst, you will be the right person. And that will be just as wonderful.
Dr Marny Lishman is a Corporate Wellbeing Adviser, Psychologist, Keynote Speaker & Media Commentator.